Negotiate This! : By Caring, But Not THAT Much by Herb Cohen
A few years ago, a family member debated starting his own business or not. His existing employer was changing hands and he didn’t know whether to negotiate a deal with the new company or to go off and start his own company. I offered what advice that I could and gave him Herb Cohen’s book, Negotiate This! : By Caring But Not THAT Much. I gave Mr. Cohen’s book on negotiation to encourage my family member to walk away from a negotiation with a crumbling past employer and move to a self motivated negotiation with a partner on a new business.
Mr. Cohen’s book offers insightful perspective on negotiation while also discussing the broader challenge of negotiating life. In the opening acknowledgments, Mr Cohen writes:
“It is negligence, arguably even mild masochism, to permit your life to just happen or to live by what somebody else thinks you should be doing. Playing the negotiating game is the respectable means to bridge the gap between creed and deed, who you are and what you might achieve or become. But more, it is the most practical mechanism to affirm a person’s freedom against all attempts to reduce him to an abstraction, an automaton propelled by conventional wisdom, peer pressure, circumstances, or unbridled authority.”
Juxtaposed against this heavy emphasis on negotiating life itself is the paradoxical negotiating wisdom to always be willing to walk away from the table. From the almighty, to kids, to clients, to dictators, Mr Cohen’s book applies timeless principles of negotiation. As Mr. Cohen writes, “Negotiating, in the sense of one human being attempting to affect another’s behavior, is older than recorded history.” Mr. Cohen’s recipe for “Caring, but not that much” is one of empathy, patience, respect, style, wisdom and humor.
Mr. Cohen’s negotiation style begins with empathy. In his chapter entitled “New Communication Approaches” he provides a communication formula applicable to any sales discussion (pages 16-18):
- …begin by asking questions even if you think you know the answers.
- …write down what they are saying.
- …while taking notes, pause occasionally to read back to them what you have written.
- …allow them to tell their story in their own way, which means that they sometimes digress and meander.
- …try to control [your] words and reactions.
On a foundation of attentive empathy, Mr Cohen preaches patience and respect. Mr. Cohen advises, “…approach virtually all negotiations as an opportunity for mutual problem solving … Slow down, control your response and tread softly.” Further, Mr. Cohen observes that it is always better to begin any negotiation in a cooperative fashion. Mr Cohen writes, “if you set a positive, pleasant and cooperative tone there’s a good chance the other party will respond in kind.” Yet anchoring this cooperative, caring approach, is balanced detachment and even “a low-key pose of calculated incompetence.”
Setting the table for negotiation, Mr Cohen then applies style and wisdom interjected with humor. Mr. Cohen writes, “Let me remind you that how you interact will often trump what you are discussing … I am recommending that you exhibit flexibility with respect to means (how), but determination, akin to rigidity, concerning your goals and interests (what).” Keeping fluid on how and rigid on what, starts with commonality, “start negotiating with congruence – the things you have in common” writes Mr. Cohen.
As for “Closing the Deal,” Mr. Cohen outlines four major criteria for concluding a negotiation (pages 157-163):
- …gain sufficient investment in the process.
- …furnish a basis for comparison.
- …use the concession rate to signal the best deal.
- …after obtaining involvement, provide options or choices.
From there Mr. Cohen goes on to share a barrage of negotiating wisdom which I will leave for the reader to discover directly.
For sales leaders and participants, negotiation is typically viewed as a finish line event only. Mr. Cohen’s book shows that negotiation begins at the very start of any sale and for that matter, the start of every day. While the book at times meanders, I have to agree with the endorsement of Donald Trump on the cover “Terrific in every way.”
For more on Herb Cohen you can visit his blog http://www.herbcohenonline.com/.
Copyright King Mediary, Inc. 2010
